The Cancer Journey - Words of Support

We all know someone touched by cancer. Some of us know people undergoing treatment, some have a loved one undergoing the process. A friend recently asked me, what do you say to them? My mind raced with all the possible answers.

To those that have cancer, we want to instill hope. We want to encourage and support. The best way to do this is to listen. They will tell you what they need to hear. Do you hear discouragement in their voice? Then return words of encouragement. Remind them there are good days, and understandably, today must not be one of those. Remind them of a day when they felt better, something they/you did together. Help them “feel” what it was like when they had hope.

Do you hear fear? Let them know you will be there, either by phone or in person, during those dark moments. Everyone is afraid. I don’t have cancer and I am afraid of the dark sometimes. This is normal, this is uncomfortable. But listen to those fears and show them that you want to help them find the light. Find a memento for them to physically hold. Something that carries a memory, a scent, in the form of a blanket or a cross to squeeze. Give them a physical “flashlight” to turn to when it is dark.

Many times, we hear from a friend that they have just had a loved one diagnosed with cancer. This is incredibly difficult. We see a friend that most likely feels helpless, has just had their life turned upside down, or can’t cope. They also need you to listen to what they need.

Being a caregiver can be exhausting, and uncomfortable. One lesson I have recently learned is that not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver. For many, being a caregiver is outside of their comfort zone. They love and care for the person affected, but at arm’s length. Others will dive right in, changing wound dressings or holding a vigil at the bedside. You must give them grace. You can only ask SO much of those around you. Allow them to be in the role they are comfortable with, otherwise there will be resentment and distance between you. Cancer is hard enough on everyone, don’t make things any more difficult by having expectations of what they should provide in your eyes.

Life can change in an instant. We practice gratitude for the good moments, and we need love and support when times get tough. Thank those around you. Give back to those you love. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or be honest with what you can provide. All journeys have high roads and low roads, I firmly believe you can cross them all.